Ask Sam is a monthly column in partnership with The Samaritan Center. Questions can be directed to Samaritan Center Executive Director Carolann Cavaiola MA, LCADC at carolann@njsamaritan.org.
It’s that time of year again! The mornings are growing crisper, and the evenings are getting darker faster. Summer is in the rear-view mirror, and winter is still a bit far away to get excited about. During this time of year, kids of all ages are eagerly anticipating the upcoming Halloween festivities as a fun celebration during the fall season.
Although we often hear about children’s fears and anxieties surrounding this holiday, we don’t often acknowledge parents’ hesitations and concerns when it comes to navigating some of the traditions associated with Halloween.
Many of us might remember running around our own neighborhoods with large groups of kids and staying out late into the night without an adult in sight. There were no cell phones or ways for our parents to monitor us or make sure we were safe until they saw us when we eventually came home with a bag overflowing with candy. We were just told don’t talk to strangers and don’t get in anyone’s car. It was a seemingly simpler time.
Of course, the times we live in now have changed massively. It’s easy for parents to become overwhelmed due to information overload. Realistic worries about the safety of their children are valid. Parents these days don’t want to be labeled as “helicopter parents” nor do they want to be seen as neglectful or uncaring. How is one to figure out what to do when your child is insisting that “everyone else’s mom/dad is letting them walk around alone!”
From the perspective of a therapist, I would encourage parents to start by looking at their child with a developmental lens. Each parent knows their own child’s strengths and challenges. Also look at the different stages of development your child is in. With each stage they have healthy desires to grow and learn in different ways.
One great opportunity to help foster many wonderful learning experiences for your child is to give them the chance to learn through “scaffolding”. This means encouraging them to work just outside their (and your) comfort zone while being in a low risk and safe environment where stakes for danger are low.
Halloween can be that perfect opportunity! While walking around trick-or-treating children will have a chance to feel they belong to a community, develop skills in risk taking and assessment, foster relationships with friends and neighbors, contemplate and make decisions surrounding peer pressure, gain confidence, and learn independence.
This can look different depending on each family. For some, it may mean having mom and dad wait at the end of the block while the child and friends go independently up and down the street knowing that parents are close-by if needed but not immediately next to them to hear their every word of their conversations with friends. For others it may look like giving permission to your child to walk around a certain neighborhood with friends, unaccompanied by parents, but sending a text or giving a call to mom and dad each hour to check in.
These steps can build trust between parents and child and also send a message to your child that you believe in them and that they are capable. This can help them to develop self-confidence and feel proud of themselves for being independent and responsible in a safe way. It’s about finding out what is the next step for growth for your child and then developing a plan to help them take that next step towards growth.
Who knew something as common and simple as trick-or-treating could provide such a rich experience for growth in your child (and you!)
For more information about therapy or to schedule an appointment please email laurie@njsamaritan.org. More information is also available on our website njsamaritan.org.
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Laurie Chiafullo, MS, LPC, NCC is a therapist at The Samaritan Center.
Please contact us at 732-223-4673 to ask about opportunities to join our team.
We have immediate openings available for LACs, LPCs, LSWs, and LCSWs and look forward to talking with you.